Drinking Poison

January 05, 2015


When I first read this quote I wasn't really 'ready' for it.

I read it, understood it and tried to apply it in my day to day life but couldn't. 

By default I am a grudge holder, I over think things and I spend a lot of time re-visiting and re-imaging scenarios. I'm also a big believer in fairness - I try my best to be fair to the people in my life and I don't like it when something happens to me and I don't think it is 'fair'.

Then, the biggest ever test of this idea was presented. My husband left me and our young daughter  with no real explanation as to why.

I knew that Maddie needed to continue seeing her father and that we will have to spend the rest of our lives interacting on a fairly regular basis for the sake of Maddie. She will have big life events that we will need to share and it would be best for her if I let go of the anger and frustration that I had towards my husband.

I was also aware that if I let my anger at the situation, the betrayal and the loss creep into our everyday lives it would not benefit us in anyway, it would destroy the happiness that we could have together, Maddie and I.

So, I returned over and over to this quote, trying my best to apply it... I knew that I couldn't change my situation, I could only make the best of it and being angry at my husband wouldn't be of any use, it would be a total waste of energy.

Then I found out that there was another woman involved. Of course I had suspected it and assumed that it had been the case but it wasn't easy to find that out.

Numerous friends plotted and suggested ways to 'get back' at them, to hurt them and to humiliate them. I declined all these (well meant) suggestions because I knew that there was no point.

Bringing someone else down does not lift you up. Seeking revenge, while tempting, will not solve or improve anything. 

An eye for an eye will leave the world blind.

Finally the quote really made sense to me, I could actually apply it, use it and understand it. 

I am entitled to feel anger in my situation but I've chosen not to as it would serve no purpose. Instead I look at all the brightness and happiness around me and appreciate that.


13 comments:

  1. I truly think that you are one of the most humble and strong women, that I have come to know. Your words are reflective and inspiring. I can only hope that I move through tough times with much poise as you have.
    Sending you all my love! x

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  2. Hi lovey, I'm sorry to hear that your thoughts were confirmed. I can't imagine the pain and anger that that would bring. I think that anger has its place - and can be used in many constructive ways - but agree that holding on to it beyond that point and letting it consume us is only damaging to ourselves. I hope that 2015 brings both you and Maddie lots of bright and happy days together. Sending you both lots of love xo Hephzibah

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  3. This was very helpful for me to read today and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. It is really really really hard to live by these words and I'm inspired that you were able to grow and change in the middle of a crisis (doubly hard because we tend to cling to our old ways of doing things when life shocks and scares us). Thank you again for writing and posting about your experience.

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  4. I am sorry to read this Rachel, it's a horrible situation to be in. It's hard not to lash out when you have been hurt, and anger is a natural reaction. How you have chosen to use that anger is a credit to you and Madden. Sending you love and hope you are in a happier place x

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  5. Thanks Karen, it isn't a great situation but I'm doing my best and looking forward to the future. Rach xx

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  6. That's brilliant to hear that I helped in some way, it is cathartic to share my thoughts and emotions so I am really pleased to hear that it helps you too. If you are having your own problems too then I hope you can stay strong with whatever you are dealing with, I am sending you strength and support. Rach xx

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  7. I agree, anger has it's place but to be honest I feel disappointment and a kind of 'grief' more than anything.
    Thanks for the love, hope to see you soon,
    Rach xx

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  8. Aw Liz, you are too sweet! I am not sure I am deserving of such a compliment but I will take it graciously and with gratitude. Thank you so very, very much, love Rach xx

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  9. You've handled yourself so well throughout all of this, I would be raging mad like a crazy woman haha! Maddie will be able to look back on this whole situation and see how well you turned things round, she'll be very proud of you in the future when she looks back & understands what happened :) xx

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  10. So sorry to hear all this Rach, and that you were in such a horrible situation. You're really such a great example to others and your daughter, and I wholeheartedly agree with everything you've said in this post. Sending you lots of love, Tania xx

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